Monthly archives: June, 2016

Irony! Telemarketer tries to sell TELEMARKETING SERVICES to my bot

For those of you who don’t know me – I build robots that speak with telemarketers to waste their time.

This latest example is absolutely amazing! This is a telemarketer selling telemarketing services to a *bot* designed to waste telemarketer time. One of my subscribers to the Jolly Roger Telephone Company got this call and added in my bot. So first I want to say thank you for sending me this call – it is a wonderful demonstration of irony.

Now, if you are familiar with telemarketing, you’ll recognize this “lead generation and scheduling” business model. This is where a lead-generation company calls you to see if you’re interested in something like a construction quote, solar panels, a vacation plan, health insurance, credit card interest reduction, etc. These guys get yelled at all the time but they’re paid not to care. They’re probably offshore and they could care less about Do-Not-Call laws in any countries. Basically, their job is to deal with 100,000 answering machines to find 1,000 real people. Then, of those 1,000 real people, they find ONE PERSON who needs a new roof (ignoring the screaming and begging from the real people to PLEASE STOP CALLING ME!) Then they schedule an appointment between the person and their client, let’s say a roofing contractor, and charge them for the lead. During the process, the roofing contractor is comfortably anonymous until the lead generator finds a friendly and interested party. Sounds pretty nice for the roofing contractor, right? It’s probably pretty cheap too.

Meanwhile, that contractor’s lead-generator just choked the telecommunications network with 100,000 spam calls. And after a couple hundred spam calls *per person*, telephone customers start dropping their landlines and stop answering their mobiles. In my opinion, this is not an acceptable use of the telecommunications network. And apparently many of you agree.

Alas, there is no regulatory way to fix this. The typical ways to break this business model will break plenty of legitimate businesses too. For example, auto-dialing, caller-id spoofing, and cheap SIP-based telecommunications services are all used for legitimate purposes. What we need is a more creative solution. How crazy is it that my service can make you say “Now I looking forward to telemarketer calls!”

So please listen to this call, but for more entertainment, check out my YouTube channel, Facebook page, and Blog.

My goal is to get you to love your telephone again!



Australian solar program chats with the telemarketer bot

I have been neglecting my friends down under! During February 2016, what I call the “viral phase” of Jolly Roger Telephone, I found a carrier willing to give me an Australian telephone number. It has been taking calls and I occasionally check it, but I have been devoting most of my attention to the Jolly Roger Telephone Service in the USA – and I encourage all of you to check it out at

So I recently looked through the call logs and found this one. I was struck by how similar this call was to the ones we get in California. There are so many solar scams that I am very skeptical of solar contractors now. And this business practice really frustrates me. Contractors will have these low-paid telemarketers call tens of thousands of telephone numbers (or more) and try to find a business owner with roof space for solar panels. The solar contractor does not have to deal with people who get angry, yell, hang up, screw around with them, demand to NEVER BE CALLED AGAIN, etc. This is the job of the low-paid telemarketer agent who then sells the lead to the contractor. These telemarketers will just call you again tomorrow when there’s a new campaign. And your telephone number is on a list that is sold over-and-over. You will never be rid of these calls.

So thanks again to the business owner who sent this call to the Jolly Roger bot. And the bot did a pretty good job keeping them busy for almost ten minutes (eventually a supervisor got on the line). If the business owner was listening along, then this call was at least entertaining.

So if you’re still reading along, please let me know your opinion on where this telemarketer is? She sounds off-shore, but she says “dollar” and “quarter” differently than I have heard – almost like it’s a slight Australian accent. Actually, I think both women say it that way. Does anyone recognize this accent?

So the service is pretty well-established in the USA- please check out my home page for more information and to sign up!

As for any of you in Australia – I have a telephone number for you of 2-4623-0490 but I am working on a permanent number and I don’t know how long that will keep working. The service is not “official” in Australia yet but I hope to roll it out for you within the next 30 days or so. I would love to hear from you!

Thanks for listening and please enjoy this call,


Salty Sally chats up two auto warranty telemarketers

For my new readers, I build bots to talk to telemarketers. People transfer their telemarketers to these bots. You should too! Here is another example.

Have you noticed that some telemarketers just call over-and-over? Even when you tell them you’re not interested? These auto warranty companies do that. And they’re SO ANNOYING that the real agents hide behind the lead-generator agents. The lead generators, using a pretty sophisticated telephony integration, figure out who might be interested in purchasing an auto warranty. Actually, there are three tiers here:

  • Tier 1 is the auto-dialer that the telemarketers use to find a “real person” on the telephone. My bot fools that level, or you (my subscriber) answer the phone because these calls are so much fun now.
  • Tier 2 is the lead-generator agent. These are low-paid agents, often offshore, who talk to people and try to find someone interested in a warranty.
  • Tier 3 is the actual agent selling you an auto warranty. These agents are used to dealing with friendly people who have passed through Tier 2.
  • There may be more Tiers – perhaps a verification agent who goes through all the legal mumbo-jumbo before charging your card.

Anyway, Salty Sally does a pretty good job getting through Tier 2 and speaking with “Mr. Big.” In the process, you hear a whole lot of drama. If you are plagued by these telemarketers, this is a very satisfying call.

So please check out my web site, Facebook page, and YouTube channel. Please consider subscribing to my service at so you can send YOUR telemarketers to these bots!


Telemarketer scammer tries to sell a pyramid scheme to a robot

I write all these posts as if you’ve just heard about me. So – welcome to this fight! I have built several bots designed to speak with telemarketers to waste their time. I work on telephone systems for a living. I came up with this solution to fix unsolicited telemarketing, and it’s doing a pretty good job so far. Please check out my web site at for more information and how to sign up!

This was a great call to Whitey Whitebeard, an elderly bot who sounds befuddled and confused and ripe for scamming. In this call, we get a telemarketer scammer who wants to sell us a “system” to make lots of money. There’s no product. You just buy into the system and then sell it to others. Now, you and I might be able to spend 13 minutes asking this guy how his system works, but I would poke out my eardrums after just a few minutes. Fortunately, Whitey does a good job and turns this into something interesting for the rest of us.

If you are listening to this bot for the first time, it might sound like I’m pranking you. Whitey does an INCREDIBLE job engaging with this caller and asks the right questions at the right time. It’s almost like he was designed for this call, although he does a great job with other calls too. This is not a soundboard! There was no human controlling Whitey. He is autonomous and released to the world!

But about this call – it’s fun and interesting but it’s quite scary at several levels. They seem to generate leads by starting with a robo-call to tons of people. Then, if you listen to the pitch for a long time, they call you back and try to sell you “the system”. If you buy into the system, then you’re expected to do the same thing. This is a scary concept and I really hope it’s illegal. Could Whitey have uncovered something here? This was a little brazen so it must not be a secret. This guy is not ashamed of this system and I don’t think he thinks he’s pitching anything illegal here.

I am concerned about the elderly, the newly retired, the recently laid-off, the youngsters just starting out in life, and the immigrants new to this country. There are so many people who might be tempted to buy into this system and it seems like a horrible fate for the gullible.

Please help me stop people like this! The Jolly Roger Telephone Company provides these bots to keep the scammers on the phone as long as possible. Please see my web site for more details. The service is only $6/year. If you get unsolicited telemarketers calling you, these bots can turn the experience into entertainment.

Please enjoy this latest call!


Nigerian prince tries to get a Moneygram confirmation code from my bot

This is the first time I am posting a call from this bot. It’s a very specific bot designed to talk to “Nigerian Princes.” Of course, these are the guys in Africa who email everyone with stories about some huge amount of money in the bank and they need your help transferring it out. Every email spam blocker in the world should block the emails, but somehow these scams are still getting through.

Anyway, I have learned that there is a community of “baiters” who engage with these guys. Working with one of these baiters, I constructed this bot for this particular purpose. The baiter emails something like “okay I transferred the money but don’t want to give it over email. Call me and I’ll give it to you over the phone” and he gives the number to this bot.

It’s a pretty specific purpose and it doesn’t really help any of you, but it can be very entertaining. The calls are so long, and typically do not have any identifying information so I am thinking of just automatically uploading these calls. It’s very odd to think that only a couple people in the world are listening to these calls. And there are a lot of them.

If I were to rate my bots based upon connection time, then this bot is my most successful. As you listen, you can hear why. Anyway, please enjoy! If your not familiar with the Jolly Roger Telephone Company, please check out my web page, YouTube channel, and Facebook page. If you’re not a subscriber, please sign up so you can use my bots to talk to your telemarketers!

Windows Support tries to find the control key with Whitey Whitebeard

Help me fund more bots and provide more ways to combat unsolicited telemarketing and scammers! Sign up for my service at!

This is not the “Windows Support” YouTube channel, but sometimes these are just too fun not to share – especially now that I’m passing the profanity through (I give up with Windows Support – they’re raunchy when they get frustrated).

Anyway, here is a scammer who thinks he’s found a good mark in Whitey Whitebeard. He sounds so vulnerable. Part of the reason I don’t post often is because it takes a lot of time to scrub and caption the audio. Well, I give up scrubbing out the profanity and this call has no personal information. And since it’s self-explanatory, I didn’t even caption it much. I have so many fantastic calls to share with you, that I might do this more often – just put a caption or two and let the call go. This one is just for entertainment.

And if you get Windows Support calling you all the time, this will feel empowering. Lots of people (me included) rely on the phone for new business and we try to answer every call. Please enjoy and keep sending me your telemarketers! My bots are standing by!