Monthly archives: July, 2016

Telemarketer charities reward your donations by calling more often!

Hello everyone! I build robots to talk to telemarketers, and I encourage you to sign up so we can automate the battle against unsolicited telemarketing.

Have you ever donated money over the phone? Maybe it’s a charity you really want to support, or maybe the telemarketer told you some heart-wrenching story and you couldn’t help but donate. Good for you. But then they call back. Sometimes really soon. And you say “no, I just gave”, then “no, not right now”, then “no stop calling me”, then “put me on your do-not-call list!” but they just keep calling. Their machines do it – and the telemarketers don’t care. Even if it exists, do you think they click the “remove this person” button when the call is over? Nope. And unfortunately for you, non-profits are exempt from the do-not-call regulation! There are some exceptions, but they don’t care.

I have nothing against the charity or the telemarketer. But I do NOT think it’s okay to call people over-and-over-and-over to get more money. And if you do actually donate, you’ll likely get a follow-up call since you’re known to be generous.

So this call is one of those typical charities. I don’t know who wrote her script though – she uses some odd phrases in this call. And she says the same odd things several times so it’s obvious someone wrote it in her script. It also demonstrates just how brainwashed these telemarketers are. Her job is to get through a script. It’s kind of funny to hear her try to get through the script with all the craziness with Salty Sally.

I have to be careful with my comments. I am not a mean person, but this business practice really offends me and I’m more than happy to provide bots so suck up as much time as possible. Hopefully you agree.

Please enjoy this call! And please sign up so you can send your telemarketers to these bots!


I will help you report illegal telemarketing calls

Do you hate telemarketers? Do you feel powerless to do anything about it? Unsolicited telemarketing is annoying, but as you may know, it’s often illegal as well. In the United States, there are various laws designed to protect you such as the Telephone Consumer Protection Act, the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act, and of course, the National Do No Call Registry. So, if you get an unsolicited call, what do you do? Which laws does it violate? How do you report it? How much is the fine and how much are you entitled to receive in damages? How much time will it take? All of these issues get complicated and most people don’t hassle with it.

The Jolly Roger Telephone Company is here to help you report these violations!

Here’s how it works. First, you need to sign up for the Jolly Roger Telephone Service. Then, when you get an unsolicited telemarketing call, transfer or conference them into one of my helpful bots. The bot will keep the telemarketer engaged and may get some information out of the telemarketer such as their organization and name. At the end of the call, you will get an email from me, which will include a unique number and a link to a web page where you can fill out some additional information about the call. I will aggregate these reports and work with some class action attorneys who specialize in telemarketing violations. These class action attorneys will work with you to identify the offending company and file the claims. These attorneys will become YOUR attorneys and, if they are able to successfully sue the telemarketing company for damages, you might be able to get compensation! There’s tons of legal mumbo jumbo surrounding this, but it all starts with you sending your telemarketer to me and then reporting the violation afterward.

So please work with me to get as many of these violators off our phones!


Don’t mess around with contractors offering free estimates

I want you to hear this short call that I got on my mobile yesterday. It was a “local painting company” offering free estimates. I said “oh, you want to talk to the homeowner. He’s right here – hang on” and then I conferenced in Whitey Whitebeard. Whitey is my favorite bot for construction and solar. Actually, he might be my favorite bot overall.

The guy sounds nice enough at first, but at the very end you’ll hear how arrogant and entitled these people are, and just how untouchable they feel. He says he is “a local painter handyman in my area” and sounds friendly. But he’s actually calling from a fake caller-id that has been localized to my city. He never really says my name and thank goodness he doesn’t seem to know my address (this time, although sometimes they do). His job is to find out if there are any construction projects I want so he can sell my information to a construction company. Need windows? Sell me to a window installer. Need solar? Sell me to a solar contractor. I don’t know how much the lead is worth. I’d love to hear from someone who does.

So that’s the telemarketer business here. Load up an autodialer with every telephone number they can find. Their autodialer calls all of them and sorts through the disconnected, busy, ring-no-answer, and voicemail to find the real live people. It’s a small percentage of the list, but hey, they can just double it tomorrow! Oh, and when you call the 213 areacode, put a local caller-id on it so the victim is more likely to answer.

And the worst thing is these guys are un-findable, un-accountable, and un-touchable. They can say anything they want to you. You’ll never find them or their employers. Listen to this call and hear how he reacts when he thinks Whitey is messing with him. Poor Whitey. But this could be your parent or child. And he doesn’t care.

So let’s get these jerks! Please subscribe to the Jolly Roger Telephone Service so you can send your telemarketers to a robot who will take over the conversation and prevent them from calling someone else. It’s entertaining, exhilarating, and empowering. It will completely change your attitude towards telemarketing.

Here’s the call. Please enjoy and thanks for listening!

“Amazon Affiliates” tries to sell an overpriced web site to a robot

Unlike most of my calls, I left the company name in this one. For those of you new to my pages, I build robots that talk to telemarketers so they don’t have time to call you. I encourage you to sign up and send your unsolicited telemarketer calls to my bots!

This guy says he is calling from “Amazon Affiliates” and drops the name “Amazon dot com” several times. So of course it’s legitimate, right? I love this call because he is sounds like such a character, and this bot (named Whitey Whitebeard) does a great job keeping him going for a while. I think the guy was having a hard time keeping it together during the call. It’s hard not to like him, until you think about him calling every small business in the USA trying to scam them out of $500 to build a web site from a template. Google these guys and you’ll see lots of stories about these affiliate scams.

So again – I have nothing against these telemarketers personally. I just hate the business practice. This telemarketer may not even realize he’s working for a scam operation.

I like this guy’s voice though.

Thanks for listening!

Bot named Whiskey Jack convinces telemarketer to transfer to an agent

I’m getting back to my roots here. This is a brief call, but it’s a PERFECT example of the value of these bots. The telemarketer making this call never really identifies his company. There are two vague (and different!) company names like “Security Services” and “Home Security Promotions”. They’re offering a wireless security system and they’re using low-paid and likely offshore “lead generators” to qualify the call. If you pass their audio questionnaire, then you get connected to a real person for the true scamming to take place.

So this bot, named “Whiskey Jack” convinces the lead generator to send the call to a human. This particular agent is savvy enough to recognize the SOMEBODY is messing with him, but he doesn’t ever realize it’s a bot.

This call is interesting for three reasons:

  • The soundboard recordings are quite “folksy” and are trying to sound less and less polished. This is like an arms race. They are stepping up their game. Fortunately my bots are up to the challenge.
  • I have recently learned that these lead generators are paid every time they send a call to “Mr. Big.” So my bot has cost someone more than just the hourly payroll of the agent.
  • The telemarketer isn’t upset that he’s getting played – he is probably paid by the hour. Hey, I wonder what the hourly rate is for a telemarketer that can scam people over and over? Wireless security scammers provide a “free” system but sign you up for long term monitoring fees.

Anyway, enjoy this call. It’s short and sweet. I encourage you to listen to other calls in my YouTube channel and sign up for the service. The point of these bots is to turn your telemarketer calls into entertainment, and they do a really good job at that.

Biz Bot wears down an annoying cold-caller

Hello all – For the new eyes and ears: I build bots to speak with telemarketers so you don’t have to talk to them.

The “corporate” version of a telemarketer is a cold-caller. They’re not as bad as telemarketers, but they can be really annoying. Part of the job duties of any receptionist, secretary, or admin is to deal with cold callers. Naturally, businesses don’t have the option of “hiding” their numbers like consumers do. They’re public, and the names of the officers and owners are public too. And many times the direct telephone numbers of the officers and owners are public. So you can imagine how many junk calls these businesses get.

Now, these callers are not necessarily bad people, but some of them can be extremely persistent. And it takes time and energy to let them down easy. If you’re rude, they call back. And they can be rude too. As a telephone guy supporting an office full of people, I get lots of requests to “block” particular numbers because of annoying cold-callers who won’t stop calling back.

So rather than risk the wrath of a bored, annoyed, persistent, and vindictive cold-caller, you can wear him or her down with this biz-bot! This pair of bots sound helpful, but they’re a bit unresponsive and a little spacey. Enough so that the caller probably won’t want to call back again. These two bots (named Jolly Roger Biz-bot and Polly Crackers) ping-pong the caller back and forth until they are worn out. I have an example call of someone starting at Polly Crackers, then through Jolly Roger, then back to Polly Crackers before finally giving up.

This call starts with Jolly Roger and then moves on to Polly Crackers, where the guy gives up. It’s easy to feel bad for the guy but you should empathize with the receptionist or “IT Director” who has to deal with this caller over-and-over again. Imagine ten or twenty of these calls per day. If you’re the boss, you may not realize how many of these you get. Ask your receptionist. Then sign up for the Jolly Roger Biz-Bot service at!

For those of you new to Jolly Roger Telephone, check out the other calls of actual telemarketers on my YouTube channel, blog, and Facebook pages. And sign up for the service so you can send your annoying telemarketers to my bots!

Thanks for listening!

Nigerian Prince tries to scam a bot out of some money

To any of you new to this site, I build bots to talk to telemarketers. However, this call is not a telemarketer. He’s a “Nigerian prince” scammer, who is arguably worse than a telemarketer. Rather than sell you solar panels, he wants to scam you out of your life savings.

This bot is designed specifically for these “419” or “Advanced Fee” scams. It’s pretty specific and I don’t expect any of you have really spoken with one of these guys. But as you listen, you’ll find they can be quite entertaining just as background noise. In fact, I didn’t really caption this so don’t even bother to try to read along. Just listen in the background and imagine all these scammers calling bots. I have a ton of these calls. I work with a “baiter” in the UK who convinces these scammers to call him – and he sends them to these bots.

This guy gets a little impatient but keeps going all the way through the end of his prepaid phone card. Money well spent, don’t you think? Then he’ll email the baiter, and the baiter will convince him to call again. Wash, rinse, repeat. The baiter is really doing all the work here.

Sorry for the long delay between postings – I was on vacation with the family but I’m back now and will soon be recording new bots with some new people. As always, please spread the word about this service. Anyone who hates telemarketing should sign up for the Jolly Roger Telephone Service at You get unlimited access to the standard bots and if you use the “recording” number, you get an email with audio of the interaction when the call is over.

So please listen to this latest call and spread the word! Thank you!