Monthly archives: August, 2016

Telemarketer smoked too much weed for this conversation with a robot

This is a really annoying telemarketer trying to give our robot a quote for medical insurance. If you ever fill out a form online requesting insurance, you should probably know that you’ll get follow-up calls for the rest of the life of that phone number. In fact, if you cancel the number and someone else gets it, then THEY will get follow-up calls forever. At some point, the manager will notice all the bots on the phone and may eventually remove the number. But I doubt it.

This is one more example that, regardless how you feel about the telemarketer, we need to hit these companies where it hurts. This telemarketer tries really hard to build rapport with Whiskey Jack. This bot is kind of abrasive, and the telemarketer tries to match his tone. He does a pretty good job too – he’s as abrasive and annoying as the bot, but he swears more.

Of course, it’s completely legitimate for a business to collect you telephone number in a web form and call you back if you are interested. But most of the time your telephone number gets sold as a “lead” to dozens of companies and you’ll never stop the deluge. If this company honored the “stop calling me!” requests from the public, we wouldn’t have to resort to this weapons escalation.

Anyway, please enjoy this latest call and thanks again to everyone who is using the Jolly Roger Telephone service. I love telephones and telecommunications and I want to rid this congestion from the network! But most importantly, I want you to love your phone. And when it rings, I want you to connect with someone useful.

Thanks for listening!

Jolly Roger Telephone subscriptions now come with SIP support!

Some of you have been asking about SIP integration with Jolly Roger Telephone bots. I’m happy to say this is now working for all of my subscribers! Not many of you will care, but if your a VoIP professional, hobbyist, or if you are international and your carrier supports SIP redirects, then you are now able to use SIP!

You need a SIP Code, which can be found in any of your ‘post-call’ emails. Instructions are at

Thank you all! And thanks for being a Subscriber!

Vacation package scammer’s supervisor gets mad at me for wasting his agent’s time

My telemarketing bot takes a call from a vacation scammer. You can use this bot too. When you get a telemarketer, just “add call” and join 206-259-4991. See my web site for more info!

This is a typical “Vacation Package” scammer. I HATE THESE. If you’re reading this, you’re probably already skeptical, but apparently plenty of people are getting caught up in these scams. If you hate them like I hate them, then please pass the word along and let’s get as many telemarketers talking to bots as we can. For only $6/year, you can send unlimited telemarketers to the Jolly Roger Telephonebots and you’ll get a recording when the call is over. Plus, it’s very entertaining!

In this call, we have an inexperienced agent reading from a script trying to convince us that we have a bunch of credit in our account and that we can three vacations for only $298. It’s an amazing deal and he lists off a luxury resort and a bunch of destinations. Then he says he’ll even throw in a cruise for two! All for only $298. Can I have your credit card number now?

Again, this is terrifying, frustrating, and it makes me sick to think that people are getting scammed by these guys. So it was quite satisfying when the supervisor got on the phone and scolded the bot at the end. After all, what could he do? Well, don’t answer that. I’ve heard what some of them do.

In case you haven’t heard, I have started a podcast to discuss these calls and scams in more depth! Just search iTunes, Google Play, Soundcloud, or Stitcher for “Jolly Roger Telephone”. Hopefully the other services have picked it up by now.

Thanks for listening everyone!

This Jolly Roger Biz-Bot protects receptionists from cold-callers

Some of you heard this Biz-Bot deal with a really aggressive cold caller in a previous post. But this one is a much better example of the interactive nature of this receptionist named Polly Crackers. She eventually gets flustered and transfers the call to an office worker named Phil. Phil spends some time with him and eventually transfers the call back to Polly. By this time, I’m pretty sure the guy figures out what’s going on, but he plays along in an interesting way. It’s quite entertaining all the way through, and if you have not heard Polly before, it gets funny during the train-wreck of her day.

Now, it’s really easy to feel sympathy for this guy. I’ve got no hard feelings for him or his business. But he is just calling every business he can and asks for “the person in charge of your web site.” In my opinion as a telephone guy, it is NOT OKAY to use the telephone network like this. If you want to free your employees from endless cold-calls, please consider one of these.

I am now providing services in the UK! I know the UK has problems with telemarketing. Is anyone over there who can discuss cold-calls? If you’re in the UK, please check out the UK numbers on the “pick a robot” pages at my web site. If you’re not in the UK but know someone over there, please send this message to them!

Thanks all – and thanks for listening to this call!

Jolly Roger Telephone Service now available in England

I’m happy to say that the Jolly Roger Telephone Service is now available in England!!! I have some numbers in London with several bots ready to take your calls. You can evaluate these bots at the numbers below.

You can purchase a “Deep Six” or “Cannon Shot” subscription at my store. At the moment, the store says subscriptions are US only, but I’ll edit that soon. Feel free to sign up in the UK. I will set up your account personally so it might take a few hours if it’s the middle of the night (I’m in California). Thank you everyone! I’m so excited to take UK telemarketer calls too!

Telephone Number Bot
020 3813 1738 Random Female
020 3813 1739 Random Male
020 3813 1730 Classic Jolly Roger (male)
020 3813 1731 Whiskey Jack (male)
020 3813 1732 Whitey Whitebeard (male)
020 3813 1733 Moby Dick (male)
020 3813 1734 Tommy (male)
020 3813 1735 Salty Sally (female)
020 3813 1736 Debbie Doldrums (female)
020 3813 1737 Jolly Jenny (female)

I have started a Podcast! First episode here!

Hello everyone! I’m excited to announce that I have started a podcast! This is a terrifying experience for an introvert, but I wanted to tell the story of how I created these robots. Also, I have a ton of really nasty, vulgar, and raunchy calls from telemarketer scammers. I wanted a way to provide some context for the calls and be able to say a few words about them.

Obviously, these calls are perfect for audio podcasts since they’re just telephone calls, right?. If you have a boring commute and want to hear a bit more about Jolly Roger Telephone, then here you go. I am using Soundcloud for hosting. I have submitted the feed to iTunes but it might be a few days. If there are any podcasters out there willing to help me through this process, I would sure appreciate your advice!

Here is episode 1 of my podcast below, played through Soundcloud.

“Rewards Program” Telemarketer gets caught in an endless loop

We all hate unsolicited telemarketing, right? I happen to program telephone systems for a living, and I decided to build a robot to talk to telemarketers. You should use these bots too! Conference your next telemarketer with 206-259-4999. And then sign up for the service!

This is a call to a bot named “Jolly Jenny”

In this call, Jolly Jenny manages to get the telemarketer stuck in an endless loop at the first question “what is your name?” It’s obvious that the telemarketer’s training (programming) did not take this scenario into account. We have a distracted Jenny who is not mad or confrontational. Jenny doesn’t refuse to give her name, but she doesn’t give her name either. There’s nothing in this agent’s training to deal with this, so the agent spends thirteen minutes trying to get a name. She uses various techniques but does not deviate from her training. It’s an interesting and educational call and I hope you enjoy it.

Thanks for listening!


Anyone want to beta test SIP integration to the Jolly Roger bots?

Who is up for some SIP testing? The Jolly Roger Telephone bots are ready to accept your calls over SIP URIs. Some of you out there know what this means. If you’re interested in beta-testing this integration with me, please let me know via Facebook messenger or email!

Energy Company scammer tests my bot several times, is convinced it is a real person


Do you get tons of unsolicited calls from energy companies telling you they can save money on your energy bills? This is a common problem across the USA. It reminds me of the old “long distance slamming” scheme from the 90s where long distance telephone companies would convince you to switch with great introductory rates, or hide a bunch of fees in the fine print. This is even easier than the “green energy” scams because they just change your provider behind the scenes and your current energy provider handles the rest. I am confident that it will eventually get worked out, but in the meantime, we are treated to these incessant calls.

So back to this call! The telemarketer on the phone is a little suspicious at first – she thinks it might not be a real person (especially since my bot ironically asks HER that question). What follows is a hilarious “Turing Test” where she tries to determine if by bot is a real person or not. From Wikipedia,

The Turing test is a test, developed by Alan Turing in 1950, of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.

Now, when you think about it, my bot could just be a person pretending to be a bot. So that’s like a person exhibiting behavior indistinguishable from a robot. And once that’s in her head, how do you convince her otherwise?

Eventually she decides she’ll call back and see if I respond the same way. Unfortunately, if she did call back, it didn’t make it over to me.

Now, in the caption of this call, I refer to her company as an energy scammer. Technically, this company is operating completely legally (well, the act of calling in the first place may not be legal). So if you work for an energy company that does this, you might be tempted to defend your business practice. But there are so many charlatans operating in this space that your legitimate operation is getting drowned out by scammers. You might want to do something about that. I am.

Please sign up for the Jolly Roger Telephone service and you can send all your telemarketers to my bots! It’s only $6 per year!

Please enjoy this call, and thanks for listening!


Short and sweet – Abusive female credit card scammer

Hello all! This is a female credit card scammer who ends up chatting with a female robot. It’s not long, so there’s no reason for you not to listen right now!

Many of my calls are instructive, informative, illustrative, etc. This call is all of those, but it is also very entertaining. It does illustrate just how untouchable these agents are. They know that they’ll NEVER get caught. There’s no oversight from supervisors (heck, this abuse might even be encouraged in their call centers) and in moments of boredom or frustration, you might get this kind of abuse from a telemarketer. That might be funny for you, but unfortunately your kids or parents get these calls too.

Also, this call is so short that I would have missed it in the deluge of calls to my bots. Fortunately, my subscriber reported this through the “catch of the day” link that came through on email. This brings it to my attention. If you subscribe to the Jolly Roger Telephone Company, you’ll be able to send all of your telemarketers to my bots and get an email of the recording when it is over. The email contains links to report the call as a violation of the Telephone Consumer’s Protection Act, or simply as entertaining and suitable for posting to this page.

So thanks for listening. I often caption the audio. But in this call, the same caption goes through to the end so don’t even bother watching. Just listen.

Thanks for listening!