Monthly archives: May, 2016

Whiskey Jack makes this pollster hate his job

As usual – THANK YOU to all my subscribers to the Jolly Roger Telephone service!  If you are annoyed by telemarketers, you should sign up and turn them into entertainment.

So imagine getting pollsters calling you over-and-over again. And right at the top of the call, this guy says he called “at random”. In my professional opinion, that is not okay. And it sounds like most of you agree with me. I created these bots so we didn’t have to be victims of unsolicited calls anymore.

So this call came to Whiskey Jack, who is a little bit loud and pushy and the combination of these two people was funny to me because it was so uncomfortable. Whiskey Jack wasn’t uncomfortable, but this caller sure was. Whiskey Jack just kept plowing over him.

As the call rolls to its painful conclusion, you hear a couple sighs that definitely sound like morale is really low and he just wants to get through the survey. I think he was told to conduct a certain amount of surveys and he was probably hoping Whiskey Jack would be cooperative. Sorry Dude.

This is a short call, and there will be some of you who don’t think this poor caller deserves the treatment he got from Whiskey Jack. Enjoy and discuss. And thanks again!


Enter YOUR telemarketer call into the “Catch-of-the-Day” Contest

I just wanted to announce a new “Catch-of-the-Day” contest. As you can probably understand, there are way too many calls for me to review them all. So I have included a link in the post-call email (that my subscribers receive at the end of every call) to enter it into the “Catch-of-the-Day” contest. This tells me it was a good call and might be worthy of posting as a catch-of-the-day on the JollyRogerTelephone home page. It’s very easy – just click the link and that’s all there is to it. Subscribers will win a tee shirt and sticker kit if their call is selected!

More details at

And thank you again to everyone for the interest and support! Now that this is a subscription service, I could use your help socializing it. Please share, link, like, and tweet. I really appreciate it!




Telemarketer bot blows the reputation of a business loan “lead generator”

THANK YOU to all the subscribers to my service. My bots are really enjoying the privilege of speaking with all your telemarketers. If you’re not a subscriber yet, please sign up. Only $6/year lets you add my bots to your telemarketer calls. At the end, you’ll get an email of the recording.

In this latest audio, you’ll hear three calls from a highly reputable and well-funded business loan company. They use a two-tier system, where one agent “qualifies” you, then a loan officer takes over. I don’t know if the first tier gets paid commission, or a flat rate. And I don’t know if they get paid only if there’s a sale or not. Based upon the first tier’s repeated attempts, I think they get paid only when a loan takes place.

Anyway, this is a fascinating clip (to me anyway) and I’ve tried to give you play-by-play captions within the video. Through the course of these three calls, which occurred within a 20-minute period, my bot ends up speaking with eight people! Three people at the first tier (including the supervisor) and FIVE loan officers. The bot did an excellent job and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

These business loan companies are incredibly persistent. If you are a business owner and have the misfortune of being on the call lists, then you know they will never stop calling.

So on a personal note, I really appreciate all of your support and comments. I can really use your help “socializing” this service. At this point, I rely completely on word-of-mouth. The subscription cost of $6/year is meant to be so low that there’s no reason NOT to subscribe. I want to cause as much pain to the unsolicited telemarketing industry as possible. To do this, we need more people using this service. Please help me spread the word.

Thank you! And I hope you enjoy this latest call!

Google Specialist calls to scam telemarketer bot named Whitey Whitebeard

Okay, first off – thank you to my subscribers! Please pass the word along! I don’t have an advertising budget or a big marketing department. I’m relying on word-of-mouth in hopes to get the press interested again!

Now to discuss this call, those of you who own small businesses anywhere in the USA probably get these calls. It’s a “Google Specialist” who wants to help you get listed in Google Maps. For this privilege, they will charge the business several hundred dollars per month. I’m not sure about this particular call, but they often start with a pre-recorded announcement (which is illegal) and spoof their caller-id (which is illegal) and call mobile phones (which is illegal). This agent may not realize he’s working for a shady telemarketer – he might think it’s just a great job for him to use his Internet skills.

But this specialist has met his match. Whitey Whitebeard was engineered to waste this guy’s time and he does it well. It’s pure entertainment – we don’t learn much about this scammer’s operation. But I enjoyed it and wanted to pass it along to you.

Those of you new to my site or channel – do you get telemarketer calls? Almost everyone does. And you’ve noticed that there’s no way to get them to stop. The way to hit them back is to automate the role of the victim. Let my bots carry on the conversation. If you’re not a subscriber to my service, please check out my home page where you can sign up. Only $6 per year gets you unlimited calls into these bots. At the end of each call, you’ll get an email of the recording. Use them to handle all of your personal telemarketers. Once you get one, they’ll never stop.

Small business owners have to answer the phone if they want to stay in business. So listen to this call and imagine the satisfaction that the owner of this towing company felt while “his” scammer talked to a bot for eight minutes. Keep in mind that this was probably the hundredth time this “Local Google Specialist” has called him.

Business Loan cold-caller has heard the “bee on my arm” before

Thank you to all my subscribers to the Jolly Roger Telephone Service! You all have the pleasure of deploying these bots on your telemarketers. Please spread the word so we can get more people using these.

Okay we’re going to get back to basics here. This call is a good example of why I built this bot in the first place. And this call is to the original Jolly Roger Bot with the “bee on my arm”. This is a business loan specialist calling business all over the place. Unfortunately, it comes from a “lead generator” so there’s no way to get them to stop calling. And it might be legal. The callers clearly identified where they were calling from. Most of the time they fake it. Other interesting things:

  • The predictive dialer (the thing that determines if you’re human or not) cut through very quickly.
  • The hand-off to the loan agent was smooth
  • The loan agent knew who I was (well, it was a wrong number, but still it still indicated a screen pop from the first person to the second)
  • MY ROBOT PASSED THE TURING TEST! It totally convinced the first agent to transfer me to the second.
  • The second agent has heard the “bee on my arm” several times and is upset with me! What’s that all about? You guys called me! Stop calling if you don’t like it!

So, since I could never get these guys to stop calling, I built this bot and maybe they’ll eventually stop. In the meantime, these calls are entertaining and harmless to me. Thank you for listening!

EXPLICIT – Two “Card Services” agents sexually assault elderly telemarketing bot over the phone

This was too much to bleep, so be warned – there’s a lot of swearing.

This starts out as a typical “Card Services” scam. It was answered by “Whitey Whitebeard”, who is my telemarketing bot that sounds like a befuddled senior citizen. The agent tries to get some information out of him such as existing credit card information. Unfortunately, elderly people fall for these scams so this agent thinks this is going to go well for him. He’s got a gullible old man and he can probably manipulate him into giving up his credit card numbers. When you listen, notice how the call goes from “do you have a credit card with a balance of more than $3000?” to “I am calling about your credit card with the balance of more than $3000.”

At about five minutes in, another agent gets on the phone. And at about seven minutes in, the agent gets a little abusive. And at about eight minutes in, it starts getting brutal. These two agents sound like a couple teenagers gleefully swearing at this guy. It just gets more-and-more juvenile as the call goes on. They keep at it for a while. Fortunately, Whitey is completely unaffected so there’s no need to feel sorry for him. But if this were a senile old man, this would have been very sad.

This is not the first time these calls have gotten abusive. Sadly, it’s quite common when things go bad for the agents to get vulgar. They are completely untouchable – there’s nothing you can do about it. So let’s get more of these scammers transferred to my bots so we can keep them busy! Please subscribe to my service – only $6 for a year of unlimited calls into these bots.


Windows scammer flirts with a telemarketing bot, then calls her back to flirt some more

First off, thank you to what I call my “shake down crew” for signing up for the Jolly Roger Telephone service! Please join us in stopping unsolicited telemarketing. Visit to sign up – only $6/year lets you use these bots to torment all the telemarketers you want. And you’ll get a recording of each call emailed to you.

So this particular call is actually two calls in one. This is your typical “Windows Support” scammer that will take over your computer, copy your files, and/or install ransomware on your computer. This is a very dangerous scam, and these guys know they’re bad guys. So it’s funny to hear this caller get a little intimate with this female bot. He was just rounding first base when the call dropped. I’m not sure if it was his side or mine, but he called back and hit a different bot. I won’t spoil it here – please listen.

So with no effort on anyone’s part, a Jolly Roger bot kept this guy busy for about 15 minutes (if you count the delay between calls). That’s a big chunk of his day where he cannot scam someone else. Let’s use these bots to waste as much scammer time as we can. When they eventually figure out they get to a bot every time they call, they’ll realize it’s in their best interest to stop calling you. Strangely enough, sometimes they cannot stop calling. But that’s fun too.

Anyway, please enjoy this call and sign up for the service at! Keep the comments rolling in on Facebook, YouTube, the blog link on the web site, or email at roger at

Thank you!


Jolly Roger Telephone Company Launches Service to Disrupt Unsolicited Telemarketing

If you hate unsolicited telemarketing, please share this post from! Share, like, tweet, email, react, whatever it takes. I really need your help to socialize this. We can disrupt unsolicited telemarketing. Reduce it. And maybe even stop it. But we need to work together.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m just an average guy. But I hate unsolicited telemarketing more than you do. I work on telephone systems for a living and I love telecommunications. I find unsolicited telemarketing extremely offensive – it congests the network I love so much with junk, scams, and spam. Many people are cancelling their landlines because of it, and that breaks my heart.

So I built a robot to talk to telemarketers. It was just a hobby, but after a couple years of tweaking, training, and tuning, I posted some audio and released it to all of you. I guess you could say it went viral from there. I created more bots and provided instructions so you can send your telemarketers to them. Since then, my bots have processed 196,000 calls and spoken for 275,000 minutes – that’s 4300 man-hours. Now visualize the telemarketing payroll consumed by these bots, and you can see the potential here.

This has expanded beyond a hobby. I am happy to announce that I have launched a subscription service so I can continue to expand it. The cost is very low – only $6 per year for unlimited personal use of the telemarketer bots for up to three telephones (there is also a one-month option for $2). When the call is over, you will get an email with the audio attached. This modest fee allows me to recuperate the infrastructure costs, but more importantly, it allows me to define Terms of Service to prevent mischievous use of these bots. They are designed for unsolicited inbound calls. They are effective and extremely entertaining. When was the last time you were looking forward to a telemarketer call? These bots completely alter the “pain factor” – it is now in the telemarketer’s best interest to stop calling you (although they often cannot stop). And if they keep calling, it’s hilarious to hear them go round-and-round with a bot.

So please sign up at and together we can put a dent in this terrible and mostly-illegal practice!


Nigerian Prince tries to scam unsuspecting elderly bot

I had several request to upload more Nigerian Prince scammers. As I said in my previous post, there is an ingenious person out there responding to these scammers and telling them to “call me for the Moneygram reference number”, and then either giving them the bot’s number, or passing the call through in some way that preserves the caller-id. That is how I was able to tell that there were two calls from this same guy.

Anyway, this guy hits a bot named Whitey Whitebeard. This is a great bot that has a lot more material than you hear in this recording. The Nigerian Prince eventually scolds the bot for “insulting” him, but my bots are very polite! They are agreeable and patient and Whitey did not insult this caller. Anyway, this scammer hung up in frustration, then called back a few minutes later. This time he pretended to be with the Moneygram office. But he was getting the same stuff from Whitey. He either recognized it was a recording, or he figured the old man wasn’t going to listen the second time.

Anyway, these “Nigerian Prince” scams are interesting but not quite as funny as the typical telemarketing call. I have some great calls to post next. I may create a bot designed for the Nigerian Prince scams; I’m pretty sure I can keep these guys going longer.

So please don’t get mad when a telemarketer calls you! You can hang up, but they’ll just call back later. Next time you get one, add in one of my Jolly Roger bots to take over the conversation.

I have done a terrible job publicizing my Indiegogo campaign. I am trying to raise enough money to battle the inevitable legal tangles associated with this service. Please check out that campaign and contribute if you believe in me!